Tom Holt quotes

The best definition of an immortal is someone who hasn't died yet. (Tom Holt)
Luck, like a Russian car, generally only works if you push it. View quote
Tom Holt
It was irritating to have one's physical shortcomings pointed out quite so plainly twice in one evening, once by a beautiful girl and once by a dying badger. View quote
Tom Holt
Genies rarely have nightmares, for the same reason that elephants don't usually worry about being trampled underfoot. With the possible exception of bottles, there's nothing in the cosmos large enough or malicious enough to frighten them, or stupid enough to try. View quote
Tom Holt
At any given time, ninety-nine-point-nine-five per cent of the human race are a confounded nuisance. View quote
Tom Holt
In the beginning was the Word. Nobody knows what it actually was, although it would be nice to think that it was 'Sorry. View quote
Tom Holt
Good guys is just a fancy way of saying Us. Bad guys is only ever Them. View quote
Tom Holt
Between the town of Giles, to the north of the Tomkinson Range, and Forrest in the Nullarbor Plain, lies the Great Victorian Desert. It is hot, arid, desolate and merciless; and whatever the Creator had in mind when He made it that way, it most certainly wasn't human beings. It's a really awful place to be if you've got toothache. View quote
Tom Holt
Talking to yourself is a sign of madness. Talking to yourself, dead, is class. View quote
Tom Holt
That's it?' Boamund said. 'Basically, yes,' the hermit replied. 'I've left out Helmut von Moltke and the Peace of Nikolsburg, and maybe I skated over the Benelux customs union a bit, but I think you've got the essentials there. Anything you're not sure about, you can look up in the book. View quote
Tom Holt
How many spectral warriors does it take to change a light-bulb? One, and a stepladder. At a pinch, of course, he could stand on a chair. (Tom Holt)
I'm an archaeologist,' said Hildy. 'I dig up the past.' The King raised an eyebrow. 'You mean you refresh old quarrels and keep alive old grievances? Surely not. View quote
Tom Holt
He didn't smile - he was from Yorkshire, after all - but in some inner chamber of his heart he was satisfied. View quote
Tom Holt
Vote!' [Saint] George rolled his eyes. 'This is an assassination, not a debating society. View quote
Tom Holt
... and we have already seen how insurance is like a pyramid - (Huge, incomprehensible, hideously expensive, completely unnecessary and specifically designed only to be of benefit to you once you're dead?) View quote
Tom Holt
I spy,' said the first mate, 'with my little eye, something beginning with W. View quote
Tom Holt
Jason squared his shoulders, drew the Sword of - I couldn't give a toss what it's supposed to be called, he said to himself, I shall call it Freckles - and took one step forward. View quote
Tom Holt
Everything is out there if you know how to find it, and have the patience. I don't and haven't, but that's my problem. View quote
Tom Holt
American-style iced tea is the perfect drink for a hot, sunny day. It's never really caught on in the UK, probably because the last time we had a hot, sunny day was back in 1957. View quote
Tom Holt
Doesn't worry me,' Jane replied, I'm an accountant. View quote
Tom Holt
Boamund scratches his head. Imagine a knight by Alma-Tadema who's somehow managed to fall off the picture and is wondering how to get back in without breaking the glass. (Tom Holt)
Like, there's these new fundamentalist religious fanatics, some name like Meek Militant Action. Their aim's to inherit the Earth, provided nobody objects. View quote
Tom Holt
Here and there a doorway or low arch concealed the occasional mugger, rapist or lawyer. View quote
Tom Holt
The knight raises both eyebrows, like someone by Burne-Jones who's just trodden on something sharp. 'I am Prince Boamund, eldest son of King -' 'Boamund?' 'That's right,' says the knight, 'Boamund, eldest son of -' 'How do you spell that?' Boamund looks worried. Where he comes from you can take advanced falconry, or you can take spelling; not both. Guess which one he opted for. View quote
Tom Holt
Ronnie Bosch sat in his studio, stared long and hard at his drawing board, and groaned. View quote
Tom Holt