Nicole Hollander quotes - page 4

(Cartoon title) Don't throw that old diaphragm away! (Sylvia at typewriter) Because it can be used as: 1. Doorknob cover (no need to worry about fingerprints ever again) 2. Bathtub stopper 3) Rainhat for cat 4. Small frisbee. (Nicole Hollander)
(Woman sitting by swimming pool) To me the most important quality in a kitchen is that it be in someone else's house, or in a restaurant. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia driving to nervous passenger Venusian Gernif) Don't be silly. You're not going to be the first interplanetary traveler to die in a Chevy. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) Being a monopoly means never having to say you're sorry. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man in suit to Indian woman) Oh guru, ancient mother of the world, we men have been crippled. We have never learned how to feel; we don't even know how to cry. Oh my wise guru, can you teach me to cry? (Guru) Sure. No problem. Tomorrow I'll start you at a dead-end job, pay you at women's wages and then I'll throw in sole support of a pre-school child. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man on television) If women want time off to bear children, they can't expect to be treated as equals. (Sylvia) Okay, give men time off to bear children. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Television) There's a special feeling about being a woman. You do so much for everyone around you. But some days (Sylvia) You realize you've been had. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) Things you can do when you're a grown-up: . . . .3) Default on a home equity loan and lose everything. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Television announcer) The Supreme Court staggered the nation today when they ruled that conception begins the minute you think about sex. (pp. 60-61) View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) Where do you stand? . . . .Do you think that people who like cake should be allowed to serve in combat positions? View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Woman to Devil) I want to refinance my soul. (Devil) You're going to take a bath on points. (Nicole Hollander)
(Woman at typewriter) Dear Syl, . . . Is nothing forever? (Sylvia) Red wine on a white couch. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Bartender Harry) How can you tell the male bird from the female bird? (Sylvia) He's the one with the furrowed brow; she's the happy-go-lucky one....He's the one reading the sports page; she's the one with 12 pairs of tiny shoes. (Harry) I don't have time for this. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Television) Alabama's ban against vibrators stands...State says there's no constitutional right to an orgasm. (Sylvia) Rita, get my copy of the Bill of Rights. (Rita) I think that's in the Declaration of Independence. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man in bed, wearing glasses and suit) I dreamt I was in the shower with a bunch of gay guys and no one looked at me twice. **. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man in bar) The kind of woman I want just isn't around anymore. (Sylvia) Perhaps if you wait for a full moon. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) I'm staying in this tub until the Soviets pull out of Afghanistan. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Signs on refrigerator) Could be a leftover tuna casserole inside...Or one of those pesky, black...U.N. helicopters. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Telephone) Hi, this is Sylvia's opinion hotline....How fair are you? Would you support laws mandating discrimination in hiring, housing, and employment against anyone who lacked a sense of humor, knowing that these laws would impact most heavily on fundamentalists? View quote
Nicole Hollander
(First Bad Girl) The Southern Baptist convention decided that women should submit graciously to their husbands. (Second Bad Girl) Graciously? Seems like submitting would be enough. (First Bad Girl) Who wants submission with attitude? (Second Bad Girl) Even the IRS doesn't ask for "gracious." View quote
Nicole Hollander
(The Woman Who Does Everything Better Than You) ...it's a worse shock to lose one of your five homes than it is to lose your only home. I'm sure psychologists will back me up on this. (Nicole Hollander)
(Sylvia at typewriter) I feel much lighter now that I've given up my civil liberties. I recommend it to everyone! View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Television) Humor will never be the same. Sarcasm, irony, and cynicism will disappear. (Sylvia) Right. I'm having mine surgically removed. (Rita) Ma, cut it out! View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Television) We are aggressively striking the terrorists in Iraq, defeating them there so that we will not have to face them in our own country. (Sylvia) Oh, good. So once we get rid of those, there won't be any more. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) [This] sends the wrong message to the international community. It says we support the U.N. only when it serves our interests exclusively. [pause] Wait a minute! That is our message. View quote
Nicole Hollander