Nicole Hollander quotes - page 3

(Sylvia to her daughter) Rita, your body may be a temple. Mine is a Chevy Vega. (Nicole Hollander)
(Television) Women hold up half the sky. (Sylvia) Uh huh, but in a poor neighborhood. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Second Bad Girl) Women who form relationships with murderers [in prison]. I don't get it. (First bad girl) Well, you know where they are at nights. (Second bad girl) At least, they're not lying on your couch watching TV. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Woman to psychic) Which do you think is the more impossible dream: the perfect man or the perfect handbag? View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Cat) In 1989, I resolve to develop a longer attention... View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Pilot's voice on airplane public address system) Geez, I'm sorry about that landing.... Why don't I just go up and try again? View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia at typewriter) For feminine protection, every day use a hand grenade. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Television) Spray and wash gets out what America gets into. (Sylvia) Send some to El Salvador. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) Rita! Did you hear that! Tax cuts benefit the rich! Oh, the shock! Quick, get my medication! (Rita) Plain, or with peanuts? View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sign) Mid-year resolutions of the barely under-control. (Woman at desk) I will try to be more understanding of others. I will try to be more patient when dealing with the incompetent people that surround me. I will not slap anyone first thing in the morning. (Sign on desk) The buck stops before it gets here. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Streetwalker to friend) First he wants me to put on bunny ears and patent leather shoes, then he wants me to eat a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. I go, "Mister, you are so sick. I don't do nitrites. (Nicole Hollander)
(Man in bar) How come only ugly women are for the equal rights amendment? (Sylvia) How come the guys who ask that question always have bad breath? View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Woman in bed) I dreamt that my HMO canceled my group insurance and I couldn't get an individual policy because I had a pre-existing condition, but they wouldn't tell me what it was. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man on television) Rita, you must believe me, alien beings are among us. (Sylvia) Yeah, in public office. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia to blindfolded cat) Just put your paw on the map, and that's where we'll go for our vacation. It's a big country, and yet you picked Cleveland. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) What do you hope never to hear your pilot say? 1) ”I had the worst fight of my life with my wife this morning.” 2) "Let's see how fast this baby will go.” 3) "Whoops.”. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man on television) The investment firm of Smith Barney: they make money the old-fashioned way--they earn it. (Sylvia) Right. The rest of us pick it off trees in the backyard. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man in bar) I like an older woman. (Sylvia) I'll pass that along. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia at typewriter) On Getting Old in America. By Sylvia. Page One. 1. Best to do it somewhere else. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) The experienced traveler always flies first class so that when the engine falls off the plane, she's drinking champagne. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia at typewriter) In the heat of the moment, I said a lot of unforgiveable things. Please call me. I've thought of a few more. (Nicole Hollander)
(Sylvia to character in book she is reading, Death by) Get out of that tub! Get in your car and get out of there! (Character) Suddenly I felt compelled to get out of that tub and out of that motel. I dressed and hopped in my car. Later I stopped for gas, and met a great guy. We got married and raise cocker spaniels. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Televison) Spokesmen for the right wing of the Republican Party are tying to associate the Democrats with a so-called feminist agenda...that causes women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians. (Sylvia) Heavy schedule. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia at typewriter) A lady never offers a new lover a complimentary tooth brush, razor and sewing kit the next morning. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man at dinner table) Bet you don't know what a male swan is called. (Woman at dinner table) Sure I do. A swine. View quote
Nicole Hollander