Nicole Hollander quotes

(Man on television) Man is the hunter. Woman is the civilizing influence, and when women abandon that role, men become (Sylvia) Cranky, and start wars. (Nicole Hollander)
(Dr. Paul Johns, animal linguist, on cats) It seems their entire language consists of two phrases, uttered with varying degrees of intensity: "Hurry that dinner, willya" and "Everything here is mine." View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) A really good haircut is as effective in changing one's life as A) 3 months of psychotherapy. B) 6 months of psychotherapy. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Voice on television) Mom, can a douche make you feel more confident? (Sylvia) Not like a good stock portfolio. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Television) The brain is differently wired in men and women. (Sylvia) In men, the wires are loose. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Cat) So she says I can't have catnip any more because it's like a drug. So, like, what's she worried about: I'm not going to do well in school or what? View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Wicked witch hexing babies) Women of future generations will have undreamt of career opportunities. You two will use yours to despoil the environment. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Woman in office) Help, I am a rich woman being kept prisoner in a working woman's body. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Voice on television) Honey, I love you, but I got to be moving on. (Sylvia) Break his kneecaps. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Television) A recent study concludes that women over 40 have statistically as much chance of getting killed by a terrorist as of getting married. (Sylvia) And would rather. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Mary Frances) ...look-alike wives for humiliating public appearances...The pseudo-wife's job is to look supportive, while the real spouse is at home throwing his stuff out the window. (Nicole Hollander)
(Sylvia to Venusian Gernif): What would happen if you wore a dress? Well, some people would invite you to parties. And some people would attempt to beat you to death. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia) You almost never see a real lady popping out of a cake. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man at bar) You know the kind of woman I could really go for?... Someone intelligent, witty, passionate about her work, totally involved in life, and willing to give it all up for me. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Cartoon title) A cat being cured of hairballs through a television ministry. (Voice on television) Place your right paw on the screen. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Man in bar) Can you imagine a world without men? (Sylvia) No crime, and lots of happy, fat women. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Young girl rejecting Devil's attempt to purchase her soul) Bag your face.... You set off the smoke detector, ham breath. View quote
Nicole Hollander
Television news announcer) The Senate passed a bill today that would outlaw abortion unless the doctor's life is in danger. **(p. 30. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Voice on television) Midol relives the special pain that women get (Sylvia) when they realize they picked the wrong man, again. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Cat in bed) The Shedd Aquarium in Chicago recently identified a new species of fish...virtually extinct in the wild, and they haven't even named it yet. I dreamt I ate it. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Woman on television) Frank, Frank, make me feel like a woman. (Man on television) Could you pick up my laundry? (Nicole Hollander)
(Television) With men or boys at home, your bathroom needs cleaning every day. (Sylvia) Not if you bolt the door. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Sylvia at typewriter) "Superwoman." The definition is 1. A woman who has supernatural powers and uses them to fight evil. 2. A woman who has supernatural powers and uses them to combine a family and a career. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Television) Being a woman is as much a state of mind as a state of being. (Sylvia) Right. You stop paying attention, you might turn into a tuna. View quote
Nicole Hollander
(Bartender Harry) What's your ethnic background? (Sylvia) Woman. View quote
Nicole Hollander