John Hodgman quotes

Truth may be stranger than fiction, goes the old saw, but it is never as strange as lies. (John Hodgman)
First of all, I wish I could grow a beard. View quote
John Hodgman
I know nothing about letting go. View quote
John Hodgman
Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say that I am a friend to the creatures of the earth when I am not busy eating them or wearing them. View quote
John Hodgman
Most people presume my mustache is not real because it's much darker than my regular hair. View quote
John Hodgman
It would be rather naive to imagine that Oprah doesn't have an Earth Evacuation Plan. You know Richard Branson does - his is in plain sight. View quote
John Hodgman
My type of humor is me not caring whether people know what I'm talking about or not. View quote
John Hodgman
A stopped clock is correct twice a day, but a sundial can be used to stab someone, even at nighttime. View quote
John Hodgman
All I can ask from society is that it please stop telling me why I should like sports. View quote
John Hodgman
I actually own a copy of my own book; that's how dedicated I am as an author. View quote
John Hodgman
My biggest superhero of writing is Jorge Luis Borges, the Argentine fabulist. He's an amazingly perceptive writer, but also willing to make a joke. (John Hodgman)
A lot of my time is spent reading antique or out-of-print books of reference. View quote
John Hodgman
That which is hard to do is best done bitterly. View quote
John Hodgman
The decision to drop the atomic bomb - that wasn't Truman, but sweepstakes winner Penny Holkum of Palm Beach. And for that she received a case of Lucky Strikes and a lifetime supply of sadness. View quote
John Hodgman
This pie chart represents the $70 billion in tax cuts, and the majority of that will go to people making over $200,000 a year. Or, as the government refers to them, "citizens." View quote
John Hodgman
So long as you refuse to ever acknowledge failure, success becomes eternal, a downward curve, always approaching failure, but never quite reaching it. View quote
John Hodgman
The geographic center of North America is historically located in Osborne County, Kansas. It is said that all armies will bow to the one who controls it. View quote
John Hodgman
And parents, some old fashioned kitchen wisdom for dealing with those lice: take your child and cover his hair with mayonnaise and shove him outside because he disgraced your house by bringing lice into it. View quote
John Hodgman
The silhouette was named for Etienne de Silhouette, the notoriously stingy finance minister for Louis XV, who ironically was himself incapable of casting a shadow, due to lycanthropy. View quote
John Hodgman
If you make the smokestacks out of children, who will you force to clean them? View quote
John Hodgman
There had been hoboes in the United States since there had been trains and liquor, which is to say, always. (John Hodgman)
For the first time in history, well-educated, affluent, white males are going to have their say. View quote
John Hodgman
Science is not science. It's an art, like... art, in a way. View quote
John Hodgman
Like most experts, I've always defined a planet in common-sense terms: Can you beam down to it? Is it populated by green-skinned women? Would Galactus eat it for food? View quote
John Hodgman
What better emblem for our nation, after all, than a level playing field, shaped like an octagon, where people of diverse cultural ass-kicking traditions can meet as equals and immediately start kicking ass. View quote
John Hodgman