Bill Hicks quotes - page 5

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake. Like on the seventh day God looked down, "There it is. My Creation, perfect and holy in all ways. Now I can rest. [Gives shocked expression] Oh my Me! I left fuckin' pot everywhere. I should never have smoked that joint on the third day. Hehe, that was the day I created the possum. Still gives me a chuckle. But if I leave pot everywhere, that's gonna give people the impression they're supposed to ... use it. Now I have to create Republicans." (Bill Hicks)
They're puttin' music to AIDS germs--putting a drum machine behind them and a metronome beat and Ted Turner's colorizing them, goddamn it. These aren't even really people, man. It's a CIA plot to make you think malls are good. Don't you see? View quote
Bill Hicks
The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question: "Is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we kill those people. View quote
Bill Hicks
During the LA riots English people were trying to sympathize with me, "Oh Bill, crime is horrible. If it's any consolation, crime is awful here, too." Shut up. This is Hobbiton and I'm Bill-bo Hicks ... You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious. You don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article front page of the paper one day, in England: "Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury." ... Wooooo. The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! ... What if they become ruffians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shaftesbury tonight. [to the tune of "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who] "No one knows what it's like ... to be a dustbin ... in Shaftesbury ... with hooligans ..." View quote
Bill Hicks
I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. View quote
Bill Hicks
How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor? View quote
Bill Hicks
The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light. View quote
Bill Hicks
The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans. View quote
Bill Hicks
My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked. View quote
Bill Hicks
I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that's interesting in. View quote
Bill Hicks
Why is marijuana against the law It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural. (Bill Hicks)
I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true. View quote
Bill Hicks
How about a positive LSD story Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies I think it would be news-worthy. View quote
Bill Hicks
I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking) View quote
Bill Hicks
Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass. View quote
Bill Hicks
Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs. View quote
Bill Hicks
I don't know what you all believe, and I don't really care ... but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks ... you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross? View quote
Bill Hicks
It's really weird how your life changes. Tonight I'm drinking water. Four years ago Opium. Night and day, you know. View quote
Bill Hicks
It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. View quote
Bill Hicks
Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. View quote
Bill Hicks
HITLER HAD THE RIGHT IDEA! HE WAS JUST AN UNDERACHIEVER! (Bill Hicks)
Freebird, the mantra of the moron. View quote
Bill Hicks
I have taken drugs before and ... I had a real good time. View quote
Bill Hicks
KILL 'EM ALL, ADOLF! ALL OF 'EM! JEW, MEXICAN, AMERICAN, WHITE, KILL 'EM ALL! START OVER! THE EXPERIMENT DIDN'T WORK! View quote
Bill Hicks
[takes a drag of his cigarette] Mmmm mmmm, tastes like steak and potatoes doesn't it? Mmmm. View quote
Bill Hicks