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Bill Hicks quotes - page 2
Marijuana: a drug that kills ... no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
Bill Hicks
I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
Bill Hicks
Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
Bill Hicks
I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
Bill Hicks
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
Bill Hicks
Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?
Bill Hicks
I'm sorry if any of you are catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're catholic.
Bill Hicks
I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, "Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest." This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much.
Bill Hicks
"I believe that the Bible is the literal word of God." And I say no, it's not, Dad. "Well, I believe that it is." Well, you know, some people believe they're Napoleon. That's fine. Beliefs are neat. Cherish them, but don't share them like they're the truth.
Bill Hicks
Where have I been? I've been on my flying saucer tour. Which means like flying saucers I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately...no one doubts my existence.
Bill Hicks
Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.
Bill Hicks
It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
Bill Hicks
I deal only in facts, that's why I'm a cocky fuckin' bastard.
Bill Hicks
You ever look at their faces? "We're pro-life." Don't they look it? Don't they just exude joie de vivre?
Bill Hicks
Pot is a better drug than alcohol. Fact! ... I'll prove it to you. If you're at a ball game or a concert and someone's really violent and aggressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot? [The crowd answers "Drunk."] Wow! We all know the truth.
Bill Hicks
They're putting the cart before the horse on this pornography issue. Playboy doesn't cause sexual thoughts. There are sexual thoughts, and, therefore, there is Playboy. Don't you see? I know these sound like deep philosophical questions, "What came first, the hard-on or the Madonna video?" and "If a hard-on falls in the forest, do you go blind?"
Bill Hicks
Anybody can be a bum; all it takes is the right girl, the right bar and the right friends, and you are well... your buddies will see you off. They'll christen your dumpster for you.
Bill Hicks
You know, it's true that politics does make for strange bedfellows. I read a quote from Saddam Hussein two days after the [Clinton] election. We had to wait two days for him to quit gut laughing. "Ahahaha, the elephant is dead!" Saddam Hussein says in his quote. "We have nothing against America, we just want to see George Bush beheaded and his head kicked down the road like a soccerball." And I thought: That's so weird, 'cause ... that's what I wanted to see! Wow, me and Hussein, we're like this! Who would'a thunk it?
Bill Hicks
I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
Bill Hicks
I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
Bill Hicks
Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.
Bill Hicks
If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
Bill Hicks
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