Phil Hartman quotes

Troy: Welcome to the Knowledgeum, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such automated information kiosks as "Welcome to Springfield Airport" and "Where's Nordstrom?" While you're enjoying our Hall of Wonders, your car unfortunately will be subject to repeated break-ins and... [Fades] Homer: What'd he say? What about my car? (Phil Hartman)
Lionel: Mrs. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night; the sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it. View quote
Phil Hartman
Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as "Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun" and "Firecrackers: The Silent Killer." View quote
Phil Hartman
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I'm just a Caveman. I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me. Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW and run off into the hills or whatever. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, did little demons get inside and type it? I don't know. My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. View quote
Phil Hartman
One of the remarkable things about my career is that it has been marked by steady, incremental progress. No sudden spikes up, and no sudden downfalls, either. View quote
Phil Hartman
The one thing I could do was voices and impersonations and weird characters, and there was really no call for that, except on Saturday Night Live. View quote
Phil Hartman
I've succeeded beyond my wildest dreams - financially and the amount of fun I have in my life. View quote
Phil Hartman
Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as Lead Paint: Delicious but Deadly and Here Comes the Metric System!. Today I will be your narrator in this sex-ed film called Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-Know-What. View quote
Phil Hartman
Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such other medical films as "Mommy, What's On That Man's Face?" and "Alice Doesn't Live Anymore". View quote
Phil Hartman
Lionel: And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer. View quote
Phil Hartman
Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such other nature films as "Earwigs, Ew." and "Man Vs Nature... The Road To Victory". (Phil Hartman)
Your world frightens and confuses me. View quote
Phil Hartman
Troy: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help films as "Smoke Yourself Thin!" View quote
Phil Hartman
As an actor, I felt I couldn't compete. I wasn't as cute as the leading man; I wasn't as brilliant as Robin Williams. View quote
Phil Hartman
Lionel: Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza. Marge: But we did win. Lionel: That's okay. The box is empty. View quote
Phil Hartman
Even at Westchester High in West LA, I was class clown. View quote
Phil Hartman
Lionel: I've been getting a lot of calls about you, Marge. People just love your no-pressure approach. Marge: Well, you know what we say: the right house for the right person. Lionel: I'm going to let you in on a little secret. The right house is the house that's for sale. And the right person is anyone. View quote
Phil Hartman
Lionel: Oh no, we've drawn Judge Schneider. Marge: Is that bad? Lionel: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog. Marge: You did? Lionel: Yeah...if you replace the word "kinda" with "repeatedly" and the word "dog" with "son"... View quote
Phil Hartman
Judge: Did you hear that, Mr. Cirroc? Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: (on cellphone) I'm sorry your honor, I was listening to the magic voices coming out of your modern invention. View quote
Phil Hartman
Troy: I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such TV series as "Buck Henderson, Union Buster" and "Troy and Company's Summertime Smile Factory". Today I'm here to tell you about "Spiffy.", the 21st century stain remover. Let's meet the inventor, Dr. Nick Riviera. Dr Nick: Thank you, Troy. Hi, everybody. Crowd: Hi, Dr. Nick. View quote
Phil Hartman
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer (slurring): [Aboard airplane] Stewardess, could you get me another drink? Stewardess: Sorry sir, the head steward said you already had enough. Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: But she don't understand, I need this drink. I'm a caveman and I'm frightened by your strange flying machine, so get me another Dewars and water, pronto. Stewardess: Sorry sir. Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: Listen, I'll sue you and your WHOLE CRUMMY AIRLINE! (Phil Hartman)
Phil Hartman [singing]:I hide behind these wigs and this make-up, but tonight, I'm gonna let myself shine through. They're gonna see the real Phil Hartman, TONIGHT! Steve Martin: I wouldn't do that, Phil. Phil Hartman: Okay. View quote
Phil Hartman
I benefit from the Mr. Potato Head syndrome. Put a wig and a nose and glasses on me, and I disappear. View quote
Phil Hartman
I was 36, and I had decided to quit acting because it was so disappointing. View quote
Phil Hartman
I could do John Wayne, Jack Benny, Jack Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson and entertain my friends. But I never seriously considered it as a career choice. View quote
Phil Hartman