Jeremy Hardy quotes

Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work. (Jeremy Hardy)
You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
Why don't they just accept that life is sad and cheer up it's not forever. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you? View quote
Jeremy Hardy
My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her "You're eleven, make your own!" View quote
Jeremy Hardy
Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
Most harm is done by people who are awake. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things. (Jeremy Hardy)
The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
I don't get this fashion for happy funerals. He said he wanted all his mates to be in a good mood and smile, and this is a very fashionable idea, that when you die, it's supposed to be a celebration and joyous and everyone laughing, but I want people's lives torn apart when I go. I want to be embalmed and brought out when we have guests. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
On Vince Cable: But he's charming and northern; he's the man tasked with crushing the poor in their own accent, isn't he really? View quote
Jeremy Hardy
... really very critical of hereditary peers, but they - I mean - they've got their faults, but some of those faults have been in the family for generations. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
It was developing countries where people are more cheery, wasn't it? ... Well, because when people are materially disadvantaged, maybe they're more optimistic, because they know that their destiny's not entirely in their own hands. And so they just have to hope for the best. Whereas in the developed world, where materially we've got plenty of stuff, and lots of opportunities, we know that the only thing stopping us from being happy is ourselves, which of course is a kind of downward spiral into disillusionment and hopelessness, isn't it, really? Because you can't -- you're never gonna get rid of yourself, so if you're basically unhappy, you're always gonna be unhappy, and in the remaining time that you've got left, you're either gonna be in despair about the fact that you've wasted your life, or maybe a bit cheerful about the fact that it's nearly over. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
Have you ever looked at Kylie's teeth? Those teeth are proportional to the teeth of a camel in the mouth of a toddler. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
Being in the latter stages of life means the morning is unkind to the reflection. It takes a few hours for the creases to fall out. By about 4 P.M., I look quite nice. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
The thing that interests me most about family history is the gap between the things we think we know about our families and the realities. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
For me, ancestry is just one thing that connects us to people, and feeling connected to other people is generally a good thing, as long as one kind of connection does not have primacy over all the others. Heredity, race and nationhood are not the best criteria by which to judge our fellow humans. View quote
Jeremy Hardy
The image of my face I hold in my mind is always about 10 years out of date. (Jeremy Hardy)
I love many places to which I have no connection, but identifying an ancestor, or someone I think is an ancestor, has taken me to places I'd never have gone to otherwise. View quote
Jeremy Hardy