Daniel Handler quotes

If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. -Lemony Snicket. (Daniel Handler)
Miracles are like meatballs because nobody knows what they are made of, where they came from or how often they should appear. View quote
Daniel Handler
The sad truth is that the truth is sad. View quote
Daniel Handler
Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women. View quote
Daniel Handler
Why, you're all grown up! The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle! View quote
Daniel Handler
People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict. View quote
Daniel Handler
A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes. View quote
Daniel Handler
For Beatrice--When we met, my life began. Soon afterward, yours ended. View quote
Daniel Handler
Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like. View quote
Daniel Handler
I'm sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on this inside would would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does. View quote
Daniel Handler
Shyness is a curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people at any time, and also, like quicksand, it usually makes its victims look down. (Daniel Handler)
But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny, who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life. View quote
Daniel Handler
They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this place where the buses are slow and most of the cute ones are gay. View quote
Daniel Handler
There are few sights sadder than a ruined book. View quote
Daniel Handler
The last safe place is safe no more. View quote
Daniel Handler
Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps. View quote
Daniel Handler
I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. View quote
Daniel Handler
This world is suchier than we are, and the best thing to do is keep moving and find your keys. View quote
Daniel Handler
The right boys I always toss and the wrong ones I keep on top of me like paperweights. View quote
Daniel Handler
Love can smack you like a seagull, and pour all over your feet like junkmail. You can't be ready for such a thing any more than salt water taffy gets you ready for the ocean. View quote
Daniel Handler
This is love, and the trouble with it: it can make you embarrassed. Love is really liking someone a whole lot and not wanting to screw that up. Everybody's chewed over this. This unites us, this part of love. (Daniel Handler)
I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see. View quote
Daniel Handler
For Beatrice--When we were together I felt breathless. Now, you are.-Lemony Snicket. View quote
Daniel Handler
Love was in the air so both of us walked through love on our way to the corner. View quote
Daniel Handler
Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do it makes you want to hide under the coffee table. View quote
Daniel Handler