Kathy Griffin quotes - page 6

I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color. (Kathy Griffin)
I also don't have a desire to be on the A-list. I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list. View quote
Kathy Griffin
I'm not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party. View quote
Kathy Griffin
Well, I think that when I perform on the road I always thank the audience for buying a ticket because it's a big deal to buy a ticket for a live entertainment, get a baby-sitter and pay for the meal, the parking, whatever. View quote
Kathy Griffin
When I'm going to see a comedian, I don't want to see them hold back, and when I'm reading a book, I don't want to hear an abridged version. View quote
Kathy Griffin
It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well. View quote
Kathy Griffin
Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part. View quote
Kathy Griffin
You know what's great about my mom? She compulsively swears and doesn't know it. Like...I mean, she doesn't have Tourettes. I could never get that lucky. Can you imagine how it would be to have parents with Tourettes? I would be in heaven...but anyway. That is one funny fucking disease. View quote
Kathy Griffin
I don't know about you, but I fucked a midget. I have secrets. View quote
Kathy Griffin
(Recalling her speech at an AMFAR event that was intended to be a parody of Sharon Stone's earlier speech, reciting the lyrics to John Lennon's "Imagine".) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so honored to be here and Sharon spoke so eloquently before that it reminded me of something I once read a long time ago. You ain't nothin but a hound dog. Oh, gosh, that reminds me, many years ago I was walking down the street in Memphis and I said, "Whoa- that's Elvis"...and I fucked him. I fucked him hard. I did, I did. Sure, he called me 'Cilla the whole time, but I didn't mind. (sobbing) Cryin' all the time, well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine. View quote
Kathy Griffin
And she's like "Angie Harmon is here"!! So I was like, well let me...well fuck me then and I ran as fast as I could! (Kathy Griffin)
She calls me up and says "Guess what - we're going to the Persian Gulf for Christmas". Immediately I put my hands over my clitoris. I don't want to insult the Muslim culture. It's such a wonderful culture for women - unless you have a clitoris and you're 13 cause they're hacking that shit off! View quote
Kathy Griffin
(Talking about Kabul, Afghanistan) It's great for the women. Still in the burkas and the women still can't leave their homes without a man, or else the cleric with the big stick beats them until they go back in. They go back in...they clean the bucket of clits......! Oh Kathy, that was just the limit. You have crossed the line...right after you moved it! So basically, it fucking sucks there and it's a complete shithole. View quote
Kathy Griffin
You know how you get that pre-diarrhoea feeling in your stomach? I'm not saying I shit my pants. But I knew I only had about 90 seconds to play with! View quote
Kathy Griffin
I'm gonna be so hot, I'm gonna fuck myself! View quote
Kathy Griffin
Wake up people! If you are gay and living in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, what the fuck else are you gonna do? You're gonna join the musical theatre. That's all you got in Pigeon Forge - there's no "bear" bar! This is it. Suit up.....put the wings on! View quote
Kathy Griffin
(About controversy) What you guys get, that celebrities don't get, is that I live for this shit! View quote
Kathy Griffin