Greg Giraldo quotes

Little did I know that earning a living at stand-up is the hardest thing you can do. But once I started doing it, I just loved it, and I realized that I was actually kinda good at it, and then that was it. (Greg Giraldo)
If you spend five minutes with me or watch me try to balance my checkbook, you can only imagine the disaster I would make of anyone's legal issues.
Greg Giraldo
There are more whipped guys on television than there were on the Amistad.
Greg Giraldo
I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.
Greg Giraldo
It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.
Greg Giraldo
Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.
Greg Giraldo
Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.
Greg Giraldo
The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
Greg Giraldo
The reality is I'm not this person with this driving 'get it done' attitude.
Greg Giraldo
There are no black people in Iraq, so how will they know who to shoot at?
Greg Giraldo
Flav, you look like Idi Amin after a three year crack binge on the sun. (Greg Giraldo)
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on. Why am I judging this poor bastard?
Greg Giraldo
Hamilton, you're like a walking tumor. Not exactly; it's a big deal when you spot a tumor.
Greg Giraldo
What a night! A couple of trolls, a fairy, and a giant all going after a sunken-eyed little monster that's obsessed with jewelery. It's like The Lord of the Rings!
Greg Giraldo
When discussing a Florida woman denied a drivers license for refusing to remove her Burka and head covering- You know, I think they should give her the license, but then, it should only be good for flying carpets.
Greg Giraldo
Joan, you are one irritating Jew-broad! The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.
Greg Giraldo
Hasslehoff, your liver is so shriveled, black, and dead. If you put your ear to your side you can hear it going "What you talking bout Willis."
Greg Giraldo
Jeff, you bloated hack! Your jokes are so old, they know who George Hamilton is.
Greg Giraldo
Mario! You are one, tiny loudmouth fairy. You're the only guy I know who takes a stepladder into a gloryhole.
Greg Giraldo
Flav, you look like a skeleton wrapped in electrical tape.
Greg Giraldo
The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny. (Greg Giraldo)
The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.
Greg Giraldo
God, you are a big, ghoulish woman. I'm talking to you, Carrot Top.
Greg Giraldo