Zach Galifianakis quotes - page 3

I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. (Zach Galifianakis)
Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me'. Being popular is poison. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
There was a long time where I was an "artist" in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that. (Zach Galifianakis)
Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the "Girlfriend in a Coma" is, like, really funny. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's in our blood to drink coffee and talk politics. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out; I don't think it really exists anymore. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. View quote
Zach Galifianakis
Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Will you touch my vagina...?" and she's like, "What!?" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say." (Zach Galifianakis)