Jeff Foxworthy quotes - page 2

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods. (Jeff Foxworthy)
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist. (Jeff Foxworthy)
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it? View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
There's no down time any more. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it. (Jeff Foxworthy)
Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?" View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's the things my wife dreams I did...My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up, I was like "Oww! What was that for?" She said "I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill." I said "I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dream, we'll both be happy." View quote
Jeff Foxworthy
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck. View quote
Jeff Foxworthy