Craig Ferguson quotes - page 3

Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing. (Craig Ferguson)
Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say. View quote
Craig Ferguson
You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. View quote
Craig Ferguson
The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious. View quote
Craig Ferguson
If I have a near-beer, I'm near beer. And if I'm near beer, I'm close to tequila. And if I'm close to tequila, I'm adjacent to cocaine. View quote
Craig Ferguson
It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it. View quote
Craig Ferguson
Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater. (Craig Ferguson)
Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape. View quote
Craig Ferguson
It's all about the triumph of intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians. View quote
Craig Ferguson
Sometimes people think you're smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. View quote
Craig Ferguson
Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I'm always a bit shy around evil people. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I've got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A poetic license perhaps. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die. (Craig Ferguson)
She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy. I do have a knack for finding great women. View quote
Craig Ferguson
If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me. View quote
Craig Ferguson
.... maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun. View quote
Craig Ferguson
Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands. View quote
Craig Ferguson