Craig Ferguson quotes - page 2

Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012. (Craig Ferguson)
I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling. View quote
Craig Ferguson
If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it! View quote
Craig Ferguson
I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's. View quote
Craig Ferguson
You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry. View quote
Craig Ferguson
Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover. View quote
Craig Ferguson
Sounds like a party at Elton John's house.[citation needed]. View quote
Craig Ferguson
You know who doesn't like _____? Al-Qaeda! View quote
Craig Ferguson
[to Rupert Grint] Look at the great city of LA stretched out in front of you, son: there's dangerous people living in that cardboard backdrop.[specific citation needed]. View quote
Craig Ferguson
[reading an email] "Dear Craig, ... are your letters written by your writers?" No. "Does this make me one of your writers?" (ponders) Yes. "Why haven't I been paid?" Because you're one of my writers! View quote
Craig Ferguson
Don't do that... By the way, this is not Oprah furniture; you jump on this, and it will be firewood... Oprah's got the real thing, this stuff...this is about as real as that [points to cityscape backdrop] right there. (Craig Ferguson)
Clive Barker: It's an excuse to look at my groin. Craig Ferguson: I'm European - I don't need an excuse. View quote
Craig Ferguson
[referring to a suggestive comment aimed at the audience]. View quote
Craig Ferguson
[in reference to a two-word comment from a guest]. View quote
Craig Ferguson
By the way, _____ was the name of a movie I accidentally watched in a hotel room twenty or thirty times.[citation needed]. View quote
Craig Ferguson
[referring to a category of people he might have upset with a joke] I'm looking forward to your letters... View quote
Craig Ferguson
Get well soon, Castro. [pause] Actually, no, don't; die, you bastard! View quote
Craig Ferguson
I'm TV's Craig Ferguson, please sit down relax and: "take off your pants"; "dip your hand into a bowl of warm water and fall fast asleep"; etc. View quote
Craig Ferguson
[with a fist-shake] Take that, ____.[citation needed]. View quote
Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson: Do you do therapy? Hugh Laurie: I see a gentleman once a week. Craig Ferguson: I love it, I'm a great convert. Hugh Laurie: Therapy? Craig Ferguson: No, just seeing a gentleman once a week. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies. (Craig Ferguson)
Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I don't think there's anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn't fashionable. View quote
Craig Ferguson
I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free! View quote
Craig Ferguson
Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket. View quote
Craig Ferguson