Ben Croshaw quotes - page 3

Games with ragdoll death animations just make it look even more ridiculous. One moment an enemy is strafing and firing at full speed, the next his entire body just goes limp like Mr. Scotty teleported his skeleton out of his body or something. (Ben Croshaw)
So, Brussels have come up with a little thing called a European Constitution, which will unite all of the European Union into a single superstate, governed by a single government. There may be a problem with everyone speaking different languages and hating each other, but seemingly insurmountable problems have been solved in the past. Like Mount Everest, or making a film based on the Lord of the Rings. View quote
Ben Croshaw
You know what's so great about junk food? Fat people who eat too much die young from cholesterol poisoning! It's a problem that solves itself! View quote
Ben Croshaw
Religion should be something you keep within the confines of your own head, and we should all recognize how pointless it is to try and make other people see the fairies that live in your brain. View quote
Ben Croshaw
We've learned that you should never trust English professors who stick computer chips in their arms, breakfast cereal mascots, Stephen King, the Borg collective, vegetarians, Christians, Microsoft Word helpers and people who put five exclamation marks on the ends of their statements. View quote
Ben Croshaw
People followed Jesus, I think because they wanted to have sex with him. Ho yes, they so wanted some of that holy jiggy-jiggy! (cough) sorry. (Why it Would Kick Arse to be Jesus) View quote
Ben Croshaw
Valentines card idea: "You are my iron lung. Let me come inside you and breathe heavily." View quote
Ben Croshaw
Winning the lottery is like slipping your hand into the bra of the most beautiful woman in the world, then getting it stuck and having to saw it off at the wrist. View quote
Ben Croshaw
[begin list of sophomoric puns] I bet he'd find a place up the chimney of any woman. He's certainly good at filling their stockings. Trouble is, he wouldn't be much good as a lover as he can only come once a year. [end list of sophomoric puns] (Why Chicks Dig Father Christmas) View quote
Ben Croshaw
Girls: Please do not offer yourself to Yahtzee. He found that this got old very fast. View quote
Ben Croshaw
I'd like the power to make things die with the power of my mind. Not because I have any specific use in mind for it; I just think it'd be useful to have for difficult social situations. Like, if you're trying to sleep on a plane and a bloke three seats down is laughing really loudly at a film. Or if someone's trying to make me say something nice about their hideous baby, it would be a good way to change the subject. But then again, that's really just replacing one awkward social situation with another. (Ben Croshaw)
If you honestly need the calendar to instruct you to show affection to your partner then what kind of loveless nightmare are you trapped in. View quote
Ben Croshaw
The question that no-one ever asks in the Pokemon world is why that long-dead illustrious and ethical human being, having created the technology to store big things in very small things, decided to use this gimmick the way he did - storing potentially deadly ferocious animals with magic powers in a little thingy that you can hang off your belt. Because he wanted the power, that's why. He wanted to know the ecstasy of holding five deadly creatures round his waist. He probably got off on that sort of thing, the sick weirdo. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Consider how The Dark Knight got away with a rating of PG-13 in the US by skilfully not showing any blood. Does that make it any more suitable for children? Or will there be a generation of youngsters haunted by visions of white-faced sadists brandishing pencils? View quote
Ben Croshaw
Oh, and for the benefit of those people who think I haven't been English enough in my recent articles: Bum bollocks tosser cor blimey guvnor eccles cakes apples and pears god save the queen fish and chips I hate yanks etc. View quote
Ben Croshaw
I once saw some magician bloke turn a carton of orange juice into orange juice, beer, milk, coke and ginger ale. That makes him five times better than Jesus or something. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Since I long ago decided that I hated kids and never wanted to have them, my reproductive instinct has transferred to my creativity, I've always wanted to create works that will ensure I'm remembered after I die. I don't think I've done that yet, though. View quote
Ben Croshaw
I am a consumer, part of the system of capitalism. To the corporations that control our lives, I am nothing but a huge mouth wearing designer jeans, just one of billions, to be cajoled or threatened with advertising into giving my money to people who already have too much. Although I vocally consider this a despicable state of affairs, I buy their loveless food and wear their manufactured garments. I am simultaneously antagonist and component. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Yahtzee was born in Warwickshire, England, on the day of the great storm of 1983. Twenty years later, when England had become too small to accommodate the five hundred kilometre-wide tumour growing out of the back of his neck, he moved to Brisbane, Australia, where a chance encounter with an enraged surfer caused the tumour to become detached. It has now gone on to star in a number of Japanese fetish videos, while Yahtzee occupies a treehouse on the edge of the city, struggling to learn how to live with corks around his hat. The enraged surfer tries to keep in touch, but Yahtzee never answers his phone. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Ah, those were the days. David Bowie, Status Quo, The Beatles ... no end of artists I could say I enjoyed in order to sound clever and pretentious. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Evoking fear is, in itself, an art form – and nothing in the entire history of storytelling has explored it better than video games. (Ben Croshaw)
You know how it is, you go away for a week and all the work piles up like a big heap of mail holding your front door closed. View quote
Ben Croshaw
It all smacks of trying to have your cake and eat it, although I've never understood that phrase. I don't know what else you could do with a cake. Hold doors open, maybe. View quote
Ben Croshaw
And then we come to the physics engine. Oh, the physics engine, for which so much praise has been sung. What they say is all true. It is fantastic the way you can pick up boxes, the way they fall, the way they tip over, the way they smash into bits when you hit them. View quote
Ben Croshaw
Starring Laurence Fishburne, Hugo Weaving, The Slightly Mannish Woman and A Big Keanu-Reeves Shaped Piece Of Wood! (On the Matrix Reloaded, 24 June 2003) View quote
Ben Croshaw