Dane Cook quotes

I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny. (Dane Cook)
Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince. View quote
Dane Cook
[To girlfriend about the "What would you do if" challenge] "What would you do if" I came out of your mother's bedroom, covered in blood, going "We gotta get outta here!" View quote
Dane Cook
I hope when he dies, he does become a tree. I hope he's in the middle of the wilderness and he's doing his tree thing. Whatever it is trees do. I know they do a lot of work with breezes. And wouldn't it be fantastic if while he was out there just enjoying his treeness, through the woods, a huge sweaty guy with an ax comes long? Sees him... [tree-chopping motions]. Chops him down, smash! Put a chain around him, drag him through the mud and the muck, throw him into a sawmill and grind him up. [Nuzzsaw noise] Then you pound him down into paper, and once he's paper, you print the Bible on him. View quote
Dane Cook
Boom! That's the house, right there, Robert. That's house I'm doing a B&E (breaking and entering)." He looked to me and he said: [shakes head and makes hissing noise through nose. Moment of silence.] "I don't know what that means, but I'm doing it. View quote
Dane Cook
Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh. View quote
Dane Cook
I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such. View quote
Dane Cook
I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies. View quote
Dane Cook
I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh. View quote
Dane Cook
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. View quote
Dane Cook
You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh. (Dane Cook)
We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. View quote
Dane Cook
If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny. View quote
Dane Cook
I get so into the moment. View quote
Dane Cook
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top. View quote
Dane Cook
I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot. View quote
Dane Cook
My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor. View quote
Dane Cook
I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up. View quote
Dane Cook
Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there. View quote
Dane Cook
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. View quote
Dane Cook
Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot! (Dane Cook)
I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself. View quote
Dane Cook
That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it. View quote
Dane Cook
I invite her back to my apartment, or as I call it, the "Death Star." I'm still working on it, it's not completely operational. View quote
Dane Cook
I had the humble beginnings. I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing. View quote
Dane Cook