John Cleese quotes - page 2

My biggest regret? Not being knighted by the Queen. I should have been a knight, and I would have been knighted, if I hadn't written one horrible horrible Python sketch which I deeply deeply regret - [cue Python sketch: "Upper Class Twit of the Year"]. (John Cleese)
Because these people are operating at a very very low level of mental health, they are incapable of understanding the teaching. View quote
John Cleese
If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my original plan to graduate and become a chartered accountant, perhaps a barrister lawyer, and gotten a nice house in the suburbs, with a nice wife and kids, and gotten a country club membership, and then I would have killed myself. View quote
John Cleese
Too many people confuse being serious with being solemn. View quote
John Cleese
Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies. View quote
John Cleese
How to defend yourself against a banana. View quote
John Cleese
I can do anything I want, I'm eccentric! View quote
John Cleese
I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are. View quote
John Cleese
Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited. View quote
John Cleese
But then acting is all about faking. We're all very good at faking things that we have no competence with. View quote
John Cleese
I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire, and that's to get rid of all my other desires. (John Cleese)
You can do the creation and then criticize it, but you can't do them at the same time. So if you're worried about offending people and constantly thinking of that, you are not going to be very creative. So I think it has a disastrous effect. View quote
John Cleese
It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand. ~ Brian Stimpson, Clockwise. View quote
John Cleese
Solemnity, I don't know what it's for. I mean, what is the point of it? The two most beautiful memorial services that I've ever attended both had a lot of humor. It somehow freed us all and made the services inspiring and cathartic. But solemnity, it serves pomposity. The self important always know at some level of their consciousness that their egotism is going to be punctured by humor. That's why they see it as a threat! And so, dishonestly, they pretend that their deficiency makes their views more substantial. View quote
John Cleese
My biggest regret? Not being knighted by the Queen. I should have been a knight, and I would have been knighted, if I hadn't written one horrible horrible Python sketch which I deeply deeply regret. View quote
John Cleese
You do realize as you grow older that almost nobody knows what they are talking about. View quote
John Cleese
Mother told me once that some Westonians privately criticised Dad for retreating so soon. They apparently felt it would have been more dignified to have waited a week or so before running away. I think this view misses the essential point of running away, which is to do it the moment the idea has occurred to you. Only an obsessional procrastinator would cry, "Let's run for our lives, but not till Wednesday afternoon. View quote
John Cleese
If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth. View quote
John Cleese
My compulsion to always be working has become less strong and my current business is purely down to this enormous alimony. If I wasn't doing this I'd be making documentaries about wildlife and other subjects that interest me. View quote
John Cleese
The really good idea is always traceable back quite a long way, often to a not very good idea which sparked off another idea that was only slightly better, which somebody else misunderstood in such a way that they then said something which was really rather interesting. View quote
John Cleese
I think it's because in America you always get the sense that if you fail, you can just pack up your things and go somewhere else and try again. But in England, it's so geographically small that if somebody succeeds here, it reduces your chances of succeeding. (John Cleese)
For me, the great problem growing up in England was that I had a very narrow concept of what God can be, and it was damn close to an old man with a beard. View quote
John Cleese
Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it. View quote
John Cleese
I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation. View quote
John Cleese
God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered. View quote
John Cleese