Johnny Carson quotes

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. (Johnny Carson)
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
Johnny Carson
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson
It was so hot today I saw a robin dipping his worm in Nestea. It was so hot today I saw a pigeon walking in the shadow of Orson Welles. It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself."
Johnny Carson
Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can - and will.
Johnny Carson
And so it has come to this: I, uh... am one of the lucky people in the world; I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it. I want to thank the gentlemen who've shared this stage with me for thirty years, Mr. Ed McMahon... Mr. Doc Severinsen... and... you people watching, I can only tell you that it has been an honor and a privilege to come into your homes all these years and entertain you-and I hope when I find something that I want to do, and I think you would like, and come back, that you'll be as gracious in inviting me into your home as you have been. I bid you a very heartfelt good night.
Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
Johnny Carson
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
Johnny Carson
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Johnny Carson
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. (Johnny Carson)
I did not know that.
Johnny Carson
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Johnny Carson
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
Johnny Carson
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
Johnny Carson
Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'
Johnny Carson
Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.
Johnny Carson
It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.
Johnny Carson
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. (Johnny Carson)
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
Johnny Carson
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
Johnny Carson
I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.
Johnny Carson