Jeffrey Bernard quotes

When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate. (Jeffrey Bernard)
I could stuff a pillow with the amount of confetti I have had thrown at me. And could I sleep easily on that? No. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
I once had to dispense with a literary agent because she drank too much. She was very surprised but I pointed out to her, quite logically I thought, that one of us had to be sober and it certainly wan't going to be me. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
Since 1960 or thereabouts, when the Beatles and feminism came to power and destroyed the civiiisation I was rather fond of... View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
During one of my annual visits to the great Fred Winter's yard I said to him, 'Good God, Fred, your horses look magnificent. Beautifully fit.' Of course they do, you twit,' he said. 'They don't sit up all night drinking gin and tonic and playing cards. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your readers who could tell me what I was doing between 1960 and 1974. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
Oh, to me not drinking is like being dead, almost. I sit here taking endless journeys down memory lane. It gets boring. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
There's nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
One of the things that goes with getting older is that one becomes more conservative - and I emphasise that when I use the word conservative I do not mean politically. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
I'd very much like to wake up one morning with a cow of the Friesian variety and walk her down to Soho to the Coach and Horses, stopping on the way to buy twenty Players, ply her with vodkas until closing time, whip her off to an Indian restaurant, take her up to the Colony Room till 5.30 and then to the Yorkminster, Swiss Tavern, Three Greyhounds, get beaten up by Chinese waiters at midnight, have a row with the taxi driver, set the bed on fire, put it out with tears and then wake up on the floor. Could you then milk said cow? I doubt it. (Jeffrey Bernard)
As for asking me have I ever felt remorse after drinking, I have been living with remorse for years now. She wakes me up every morning. She puts me to bed at night and yea though I run through the valley of Oxford St to the Coach & Horses she is by my side. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
The only reason I would have liked to have gone to university is because I like cricket. Not a very good reason to want to go, but as good as any, I suppose. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
Although I have to admit I have despised a couple of people simply because they have never had a job in their lives. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
I enjoy doing nothing. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
A lot of girls annoy me who go to university - one girl told me she was going to Oxford because it was something to do between leaving school and getting married. And I've got to pay for that being an income tax payer. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
He was a hopeless coward and gambled so heavily it was a sheer miracle as how to he still wasn't thrown out into the street for being disorderly or being arrested for drunk driving. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
But you've got to have money for comfort, which obviously doesn't matter as much when you're young, but even so. I always like to bloody eat well and be warm. Have a drink when I want it. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
I don't remember ever being full of dislike and hatred for people, like some kids I've come across now. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard
It's not name dropping, but not many people can say, like me, that they spent the day with the likes of Francis Bacon or that boring drunk Dylan Thomas. You don't forget things like that. View quote
Jeffrey Bernard