Jack Benny quotes

Jack: When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it. (Jack Benny)
Jack: I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.
Jack Benny
Rochester: It would've been hard to rhyme a dollar ninety-eight.
Jack Benny
Jack: Don, you're hanging yourself.
Jack Benny
Thug: You're gonna give us $10,000, or we're gonna break both your legs.
Jack Benny
Jack: When they laugh at one of my jokes... it just gets me right here. [Puts hand on heart].
Jack Benny
Clyde: You're telling me. What about those first three nights, we had to light fires to keep the animals away.
Jack Benny
Clyde: Oh, we're not going to make that trip again, oh no.
Jack Benny
Jack Benny: Where's that big glass star I told you to pack away last Christmas?
Jack Benny
Clyde: I knew as soon as we got off the freeway, we'd run into trouble.
Jack Benny
Jack: These last 2 miles were rugged, weren't they? (Jack Benny)
Rochester: Yes, that's the spot all right. You almost had a heart attack when they laughed at Bob Hope.
Jack Benny
Bob Crosby: That's like keeping the smog and throwing away Los Angeles.
Jack Benny
Jack: Oh, it's not that big a difference. You're twenty-five and I'm thirty-nine.
Jack Benny
Bob Hope: Put your head back through there, or I'll start handing out baseballs to the audience.
Jack Benny
Thug: [repeating] Look, bud, I said 'Your money or your life.
Jack Benny
Marilyn Monroe: I know, Jack. But what about twenty-five years from now when I'm fifty and you're thirty-nine?
Jack Benny
Jack: Yeah, then we ran out of water. For three weeks we couldn't even take a bath.
Jack Benny
Jack Benny: We're a little late, so good night, folks.
Jack Benny
Jack: I'm scared, I'm frightened.
Jack Benny
Jack: I can't understand it. On your show you always win. (Jack Benny)
Jack: What do you mean, you think? Can't you tell?
Jack Benny
Hope: You mean, Jack's actually wearing your pants?
Jack Benny
Bob: [about Bing Crosby] He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy.
Jack Benny
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
Jack Benny