Dave Attell quotes - page 4

No, don't learn at karate schools. They overcharge you for karate uniforms. They make you pay, like, fifty or seventy-five bucks just for a karate uniform, and you don't wear a uniform in everyday life, so why train in one? Most fights take place outdoors, not inside with perfect lighting and mats. (Dave Attell)
I'm a big Pacino fan. He's a great actor: so much passion and intensity. View quote
Dave Attell
I'm drinking Jack and I started blacking out. You ever black out? Or as I call it, time travel? You ever do that? Oh yeah! You know how it is -- you're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in another bar. You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're playing that knife game with a half-Indian somewhere in North Dakota, "Yeah! Yeah! Winner fixes the tranny! Yeah". You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in White Castle -- working there 3 years, STILL not assistant manager. Your buddies tell you to quit, but you can't 'cause you're banging the slow girl on the fry-o-later. They say she's a little retarded, but those titties ain't retarded! View quote
Dave Attell
Sex is not that important; it's the afterward part when you're naked and it's warm. Watching the sun come up through the windshield you look in her good eye and you help strap on her leg and you know: you fucked a pirate. View quote
Dave Attell
Never let a woman put a condom on ya. Do it yourself fellas. It's embarrassing. "Oh look, oh look there's still more room! Ha Ha Ha! We could tie it off and use it again and again. 'Cause you've got a small penis. And I know, 'cause I work with children.”. View quote
Dave Attell
Some things are the same wherever you go. Like, if it feels like more than two fingers, it's probably a dick. View quote
Dave Attell
Ever wrestle your dog 'til you cum? View quote
Dave Attell