Dave Attell quotes - page 3

Every man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night, or in a hammock with a parrot. You start thinking, "Do I have a small penis or just gigantic balls?”. (Dave Attell)
Some people are against porno movies. And I say hey, Ohio, Kentucky, and Iran: I say, hey - whatever a man, and a woman, and another woman with a penis and a midget do to a donkey, that's their garsh-darn business. View quote
Dave Attell
I'm not like a performer type. View quote
Dave Attell
I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that. View quote
Dave Attell
I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes. View quote
Dave Attell
I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. View quote
Dave Attell
A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it. View quote
Dave Attell
I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show. View quote
Dave Attell
I'm actually banned from the Himalayas, because I'm too good at yoga. View quote
Dave Attell
You jump on a bike and start peddling. You fall down and you get up again. I've always been a 'learn by doing' kind of guy. View quote
Dave Attell
I don't consider lacrosse a sport. To me that's just a frat activity that got out of hand. (Dave Attell)
I actually went to film school, but I didnt like it. Im basically self-taught. View quote
Dave Attell
I sort of have to self-censor sometimes. View quote
Dave Attell
I think I've proven with my career that I can play a wide variety of characters. Yet, I still get typecast as the crazy slob guy. That's how it always works. View quote
Dave Attell
I am the greatest marital artist in the world. View quote
Dave Attell
Tina Fey is really cool. She's so mellow and laid back. View quote
Dave Attell
As a comedian, I think you need to keep things real. View quote
Dave Attell
I like hanging out at non-showbizzy places. View quote
Dave Attell
I don't live in a fancy neighborhood. View quote
Dave Attell
I never got into things to be famous. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's annoying. View quote
Dave Attell
I had not met Tina Fey before I auditioned for '30 Rock'. Some people think we're old friends from 'Second City' days. I had always been a fan of Tina's. But I actually never planned on being in a sitcom. (Dave Attell)
I never wanted to be famous. View quote
Dave Attell
In Manhattan, I often do two or three or more shows a night, so I'm always working on new material. View quote
Dave Attell
My shirt and my hat always say 'World Champion' in some language. English, Spanish, Chinese, 'Star Wars' language, which is also known as Aurebesh, mermaid language. View quote
Dave Attell
I'm an extra dark black belt in ping pong. View quote
Dave Attell