Tim Allen quotes

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. (Tim Allen)
Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything. View quote
Tim Allen
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. View quote
Tim Allen
Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom. View quote
Tim Allen
The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels. View quote
Tim Allen
I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children. View quote
Tim Allen
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. View quote
Tim Allen
In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship. View quote
Tim Allen
For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church. View quote
Tim Allen
I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system? View quote
Tim Allen
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist. (Tim Allen)
When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite. View quote
Tim Allen
Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together. View quote
Tim Allen
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison. View quote
Tim Allen
You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress. View quote
Tim Allen
Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do. View quote
Tim Allen
But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman. View quote
Tim Allen
My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation. View quote
Tim Allen
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it. View quote
Tim Allen
I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify. View quote
Tim Allen
Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families. (Tim Allen)
I am a thespian trapped in a man's body. View quote
Tim Allen
I do a lot of family shows. View quote
Tim Allen
I have a thing for tools. View quote
Tim Allen
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. View quote
Tim Allen