Scott Adams quotes - page 4

The only risk of failure is promotion. (Scott Adams)
I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
Scott Adams
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
Scott Adams
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
Scott Adams
The longer you work here, diverse it gets.
Scott Adams
We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
Scott Adams
Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
Scott Adams
Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
Scott Adams
Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
Scott Adams
When we are born, all humans are clueless, self-absorbed, and helpless. Most babies will grow out of it. Those who don't become managers.
Scott Adams
Rich guys used to be able to manipulate the stock market and make huge profits at the expense of smaller investors. It was big news when the small investors discovered they'd been screwed. Now there are many safeguards against the small investor ever finding out how much he's getting screwed. (Scott Adams)
Creativity doesn't require much time. But creativity always needs your energy. You can't create if you're pooped or your brain is full of junk. A person who manages creativity makes sure his schedule has lots of free spaces, no matter how many priorities are looming.
Scott Adams
People who have children have the best work-avoidance excuses in the world. If you don't have kids, get some immediately. The playgrounds are full of them.
Scott Adams
If there is one thing that our role models in this election have taught us, it's that omitting important information is completely different from lying.
Scott Adams
They say that dogs lick their own genitalia because they can. But I think it's at least partially because they don't have the Internet.
Scott Adams
The part that interests me is that society is organized in such a way that the natural instincts of men are shameful and criminal while the natural instincts of women are mostly legal and acceptable. In other words, men are born as round pegs in a society full of square holes. Whose fault is that? Do you blame the baby who didn't ask to be born male? Or do you blame the society that brought him into the world, all round-pegged and turgid, and said, "Here's your square hole"?The way society is organized at the moment, we have no choice but to blame men for bad behavior. If we allowed men to act like unrestrained horny animals, all hell would break loose. All I'm saying is that society has evolved to keep males in a state of continuous unfulfilled urges, more commonly known as unhappiness.
Scott Adams
There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
Scott Adams
The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech.
Scott Adams
Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
Scott Adams
There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens.
Scott Adams
Never laugh when you're being sarcastic. It will ruin the effect. If you feel the uncontrollable need to giggle, wait until your boss says something hilarious, such as, "Is this only Wednesday? It feels like Friday already!" (Scott Adams)
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.
Scott Adams
The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.
Scott Adams
Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
Scott Adams
If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it. It sounds trivial and obvious, but if you unpack the idea it has extraordinary power.
Scott Adams