Terry Pratchett quotes - page 25

Too many people want to have written. (Terry Pratchett)
I have to admit that I drive past Bridgwater quite regularly. And fast. View quote
Terry Pratchett
The way to deal with an impossible task was to chop it down into a number of merely very difficult tasks, and break each one of them into a group of horribly hard tasks, and each of them into tricky jobs, and each of them... View quote
Terry Pratchett
But we should kill him!' 'No. You've been listen to Brocando too often,' said Bane. Brocando bristled. 'You know what he is! Why not kill--' he began, but he was interrupted. 'Because it doesn't matter what he is. It matters what we are. View quote
Terry Pratchett
The sign outside the shop said Apothecary, which meant that the shop was owned by a sort of early chemist, who would give you herbs and things until you got better or at least stopped getting any worse. View quote
Terry Pratchett
I always thought Detritus would be good at: "I bet you're wondrin' how many time I fired dis crossbow--" View quote
Terry Pratchett
Waiting is the worst part,' said Pismire. 'No it isn't,' said Owlglass, who wasn't even being trusted to hold a sword. 'I expect that having long sharp swords stuck in you is the worst part. View quote
Terry Pratchett
Death isn't online. If he was, there would be a sudden drop in the death rate. Although it'd be interesting to see if he'd post things like: DON'T YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE JAMES EARL JONES? View quote
Terry Pratchett
You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look. View quote
Terry Pratchett
The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp. View quote
Terry Pratchett
Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree. (Terry Pratchett)
Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong. View quote
Terry Pratchett
I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is. View quote
Terry Pratchett
I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro. View quote
Terry Pratchett
Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?' View quote
Terry Pratchett
You can't build a plot out of jokes. You need tragic relief. And you need to let people know that when a lot of frightened people are running around with edged weaponry, there are deaths. Stupid deaths, usually. I'm not writing 'The A-Team' - if there's a fight going on, people will get hurt. Not letting this happen would be a betrayal. View quote
Terry Pratchett
In Reading [England] there is this thing called the IDR, short for "Inner Distribution Road", which is bureaucratese for "Big thing that cost a lot of money and relieves traffic problems, provided all your traffic wants to orbit the town centre permanently". It's a 2-3 lane dual carriageway that goes round the town centre. It has lots of roundabouts, an overhead section, a couple of spare motorway-like exits (that's British motorways -- y'know, the roundabout with the main road going under it), and a thing called the Watlington Street Gyratory, where you have to get in lane for your intended destination about three years and two corners before you get there with no signposting. I used to cycle along it every day to get to school, before I fell off at 35 mph. [Kids! Don't try this at home! ] I know it well. I believe it is impossible to leave Reading heading west. View quote
Terry Pratchett
Currently there's five machines permanently networked here. They all contain the serious core stuff. A couple of the machines are pensioned off 486s, with little other value now. Plus there's two Jaz drives in the building and the portable also carries a fair amount of stuff. Plus every Friday a man comes around and carves all the new stuff onto stone slabs and buries them in the garden... I think I'm okay. View quote
Terry Pratchett
I'd like to stand up for the rights of people who put everything on their burger -- chutney, mustard, pickle, mustard pickle, tomato sauce... It is common knowledge in my family that I can't tell the difference between a veggie burger and a meat one, because the ratio of burger to pickles is so high. [either misquoted or mis-thought, since not to be able to tell would mean the burger:pickles ratio is so low]. View quote
Terry Pratchett
Keep 'em busy. That was one of the three rules of being chief that old Grimm had passed on to him. Act confidently, never say 'I don't know,' and when all else fails, keep 'em busy. View quote
Terry Pratchett
The Deftmenes are mad and the Dumii are sane, thought Snibril, and that's just the same as being mad except that it's quieter. If only you could mix them together, you'd end up with normal people. (Terry Pratchett)
Boot-faced cats aren't born but made, often because they've tried to outstare or occasionally rape a speeding car and have been repaired by a vet who just pulled all the bits together and stuck the stitches in where there was room. View quote
Terry Pratchett
You're not going to die, are you sir?' he said. 'Of course I am. Everyone is. That's what being alive is all about. View quote
Terry Pratchett
Evolution was far more thrilling to me than the biblical account. Who would not rather be a rising ape than a falling angel? To my juvenile eyes Darwin was proved true every day. It doesn't take much to make us flip back into monkeys again. View quote
Terry Pratchett
So much paperwork to read! So much paperwork to push away! So much paperwork to pretend he hadn't received and that might have been eaten by gargoyles. View quote
Terry Pratchett