Larry David quotes

Women love a self-confident bald man. (Larry David)
I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.
Larry David
I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.
Larry David
Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
Larry David
If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.
Larry David
Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.
Larry David
Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.
Larry David
I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.
Larry David
You write about what you know.
Larry David
I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.
Larry David
I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me. (Larry David)
I just feed off the energy of the audience.
Larry David
Obviously comedic styles do change.
Larry David
When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.
Larry David
There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!
Larry David
I'm a walking, talking enigma.
Larry David
If every student was like me in college, we'd still be in Vietnam.
Larry David
I have to let him know that he's potentially destroying his movie, that he could be making a terrible, terrible error. I needed to let him know that I didn't know or think that I was capable of doing this.
Larry David
This is a sad day for the Emmy's. It is, however, a good day for Larry David. I imagine the wife will be forthcoming tonight.
Larry David
Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.
Larry David
I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab. (Larry David)
(on not going to his high school prom) I wasn't aware of the prom. I had no idea that it was even going on, not that I would have gone. It's not the kind of thing that would ever occur to me. You would think I would have heard about it in school, but I didn't.
Larry David
I've had some experience in this arena. So it wasn't foreign to me to have a woman say she doesn't want to see me anymore.
Larry David
Listen, this is crazy. I look like I'm 75 years old. Nobody wants to watch an old man being funny. That's just a fact. No one wants to see this old man on TV.
Larry David
(Asked if he believes in miracles) I believe that every erection is a miracle. (Curb Season 7, Episode 6 "The Bare Midriff").
Larry David