Finley Peter Dunne quotes

Trust everybody, but cut the cards. (Finley Peter Dunne)
A fanatic is a man who does what he thinks the Lord would do if only He knew the facts of the case.
Finley Peter Dunne
An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.
Finley Peter Dunne
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
Finley Peter Dunne
The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
Finley Peter Dunne
Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
Finley Peter Dunne
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
Finley Peter Dunne
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
Finley Peter Dunne
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
Finley Peter Dunne
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
Finley Peter Dunne
Sure, politics ain't bean-bag. 'Tis a man's game, an' women, childer, cripples an' prohybitionists 'd do well to keep out iv it. (Finley Peter Dunne)
Th' dead ar-re always pop'lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an' refuse to help his fam'ly, all in wan night.
Finley Peter Dunne
Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
Finley Peter Dunne
In England a man is presoomed to be innocent till he's proved guilty an' they take it f 'r granted he's guilty. In this counthry a man is presoomed to be guilty ontil he's proved guilty an' afther that he's presoomed to be innocent.
Finley Peter Dunne
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.
Finley Peter Dunne
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
Finley Peter Dunne
Th' Turkey bur-rd's th' rale cause iv Thanksgivin'. He's th' naytional air. Abolish th' Turkey an' ye desthroy th' tie that binds us as wan people.
Finley Peter Dunne
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.
Finley Peter Dunne
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
Finley Peter Dunne
There are no friends at cards or world politics.
Finley Peter Dunne
There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare. (Finley Peter Dunne)
Whin annything was wrote about a man 'twas put this way: "We undhershtand on good authority that M-l-chi H---y, Esquire, is on thrile before Judge G---n on an accusation iv l--c-ny. But we don't think it's true." Nowadays th' larceny is discovered be a newspa-aper. Th' lead pipe is dug up in ye'er back yard be a rayporther who knew it was there because he helped ye bury it. ... Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward. They ain't annything it don't turn its hand to fr'm explainin' th' docthrine iv thransubstantiation to composin' saleratus biskit.
Finley Peter Dunne
Work is work if you're paid to do it, And it's pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.
Finley Peter Dunne