Art Buchwald quotes

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it. (Art Buchwald)
You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
Art Buchwald
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
Art Buchwald
The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
Art Buchwald
A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.
Art Buchwald
Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new...program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.
Art Buchwald
People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man does not drive, there is something wrong with him.
Art Buchwald
Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, "I am not a crook." Jimmy Carter says, "I have lusted after women in my heart." President Reagan says, "I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope."
Art Buchwald
Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
Art Buchwald
I like champagne-because it always tastes like my foot's asleep.
Art Buchwald
I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies. (Art Buchwald)
People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even." ... For me, being funny is the best revenge.
Art Buchwald
The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
Art Buchwald
I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
Art Buchwald
The best things in life aren't things.
Art Buchwald
I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.
Art Buchwald
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
Art Buchwald
This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.
Art Buchwald