Ambrose Bierce quotes - page 4

FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude. (Ambrose Bierce)
Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
OPPORTUNITY, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. View quote
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WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PIG, n. An animal ('Porcus omnivorus') closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register. (Ambrose Bierce)
Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times each day. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ACCORD, n. Harmony. ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ROAD, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go. View quote
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ALONE, adj. In bad company. (Ambrose Bierce)
IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet two clarionets. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
Advice n. the smallest current coin. View quote
Ambrose Bierce