Ambrose Bierce quotes - page 31

FOLLY, n. That 'gift and faculty divine' whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man's mind, guides his actions and adorns his life. (Ambrose Bierce)
HOUSELESS, adj. Having paid all taxes on household goods. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
Aristocrats n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says 'The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.' View quote
Ambrose Bierce
OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an 'old man'. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an 'old' book. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (See DAMYANK.) View quote
Ambrose Bierce
HOUSE, n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beelte, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus and microbe. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MONSIGNOR, n. A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in 'dialect' and humor in slang. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
DUEL, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance if awkwardly performed ... deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life. (Ambrose Bierce)
PYRRHONISM, n. An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MERCHANT, n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MALE, n. A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties good providers and bad providers. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PANTHEISM, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MORAL, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the U. S. Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound .... properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, 'Homo ventrambulans'. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
RESOLUTE, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve. (Ambrose Bierce)
SAW, n. A trite popular saying, or proverb. (Figurative and colloquial.) So called because it makes its way into a wooden head. Following are examples of old saws fitted with new teeth. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MIRACLE, n. An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ME, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three. View quote
Ambrose Bierce