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Ambrose Bierce quotes - page 30
LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
Ambrose Bierce
AGITATOR, n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors to dislodge the worms.
Ambrose Bierce
POTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.
Ambrose Bierce
INEXPEDIENT, adj. Not calculated to advance one's interests.
Ambrose Bierce
COMMENDATION, n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles, but do not equal, our own.
Ambrose Bierce
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
Ambrose Bierce
FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.
Ambrose Bierce
MAGNITUDE, n. Size that is purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.
Ambrose Bierce
J, n. A consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel ... from a Latin verb, 'jacere', 'to throw,' because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog's tail assumes that shape.
Ambrose Bierce
QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another usually about as many times as it can be got there.
Ambrose Bierce
INCOME, n. The natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability . . .
Ambrose Bierce
GHOST, n. The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.
Ambrose Bierce
EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream, Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge Of our bedfellow Death, and cry 'O fudge'
Ambrose Bierce
PLEBISCITE, n. A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.
Ambrose Bierce
HASH, x. There is no definition for this word nobody knows what hash is.
Ambrose Bierce
FORMA PAUPERIS. Latin In the character of a poor person a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.
Ambrose Bierce
CONDOLE, v.i. To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.
Ambrose Bierce
REPOSE, v.i. To cease from troubling.
Ambrose Bierce
CRITIC, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.
Ambrose Bierce
PLAN, v.t. To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
Ambrose Bierce
MARTYR, n. One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.
Ambrose Bierce
SYCOPHANT, n. One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor.
Ambrose Bierce
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