Ambrose Bierce quotes - page 29

DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse. (Ambrose Bierce)
INFALAPSARIAN, n. One who ventures to believe that Adam need not have sinned unless he had a mind to in opposition to the Supralapsarians, who hold that that luckless person's fall was decreed from the beginning. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
EPITAPH, n. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ADORE, v.t. To venerate expectantly. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MINE, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
Applause n. the echo of a platitude. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
HURRY, n. The dispatch of bunglers. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar 'tumble-bug.' It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
BOTANY, n. The science of vegetables those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill- smelling. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude ... (Ambrose Bierce)
FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth the perigee of his eccentric orbit. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
JOSS-STICKS, n. Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PHOENIX, n. The classical prototype of the modern 'small hot bird.' View quote
Ambrose Bierce
NEWTONIAN, adj. Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by pressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose having a divine character inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions as ... the Cow in India the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
LIAR, n. A lawyer with a roving commission. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, 'I beg your pardon,' and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
RECONSIDER, v. To seek a justification for a decision already made. (Ambrose Bierce)
SYMBOL, n. Something that is supposed to typify or stand for something else. Many symbols are mere 'survivals' as funereal urns carved on memorial monuments. We cannot stop making them, but we can give them a name that conceals our helplessness. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method ... of obtaining money by false pretences by 'reading character' in the wrinkles of the hand. The pretence is not altogether false... for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word 'dupe.' View quote
Ambrose Bierce
FORCE, n. 'Force is but might,' the teacher said p 'That definition's just.' The boy said naught but throught instead, Remembering his pounded head 'Force is not might but must' View quote
Ambrose Bierce
RIOT, n. A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders. View quote
Ambrose Bierce