Ambrose Bierce quotes - page 25

RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation. (Ambrose Bierce)
CAVILER, n. A critic of our own work. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
LICKSPITTLE, n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper ... the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the latter is frequently found as an independent species. View quote
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QUIXOTIC, adj. Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman's name is pronounced Ke-ho-tay. View quote
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HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate. View quote
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LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he 'lost his election'. View quote
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PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters. View quote
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MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n. Government. View quote
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CEMETERY, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager. View quote
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UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only. View quote
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RIBROASTER, n. Censorious language by oneself concerning another. (Ambrose Bierce)
PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MAGIC, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PICKANINNY, n. The young of the 'Procyanthropos', or 'Americanus dominans'. It is small, black and charged with political fatalities. View quote
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MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PALM, n. A species of tree ... of which the familiar 'itching palm' ('Palma hominis') is most widely distributed .... This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning which is a phenomenon. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
WALL STREET, n. A symbol for sin for every devil to rebuke. That Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven. View quote
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MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience. (Ambrose Bierce)
ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ('Musca maledicta'). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. View quote
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DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. View quote
Ambrose Bierce