Ambrose Bierce quotes - page 24

ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. (Ambrose Bierce)
PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty. View quote
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GRAMMAR, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries ... View quote
Ambrose Bierce
IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears. View quote
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MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion. (Ambrose Bierce)
MONOSYLLABIC, adj. Composed of words of one syllable ... Commonly Saxon that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made ... also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread 'per capita' of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. View quote
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LONGEVITY, n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death. View quote
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SYLPH, n. An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization. View quote
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OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser 'triumph.' View quote
Ambrose Bierce
RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgment of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle. (Ambrose Bierce)
FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. View quote
Ambrose Bierce