Ambrose Bierce quotes - page 23

SPOOKER, n. A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks. (Ambrose Bierce)
RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground. View quote
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PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it. View quote
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REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice. View quote
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UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble. View quote
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HONORABLE, adj. Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable as, 'the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.' (Ambrose Bierce)
REFUSAL, n. Denial of something desired Refusals are graded in a descending scale of finality thus the refusal absolute, the refusal condition, the refusal tentative and the refusal feminine. The last is called by some casuists the refusal assentive. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
REDEMPTION, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin, through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned .... whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. View quote
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DISABUSE, v.t. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed advantageous to embrace. View quote
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WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MAGPIE, n. A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
FICKLENESS, n. The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection. (Ambrose Bierce)
MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous. View quote
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OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics. View quote
Ambrose Bierce