Ambrose Bierce quotes - page 18

WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride. (Ambrose Bierce)
LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg 'pate'. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
GOOD, adj. Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him alone. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ('Glossina morsitans') whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ('Mendax interminabilis'). View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though Horizontalists hold that the posture of the body was immaterial. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin. (Ambrose Bierce)
IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
MONAD, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter (see Molecule). The monad has body without bulk, and mind without manifestation containing all the powers and possibilities needful to his evolution into a German philosopher ... View quote
Ambrose Bierce
IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
RIGHT, n. Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have as the right to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have measles, and the like. (Ambrose Bierce)
POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace with which the sovereign admonished his jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the bones of their proponents. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
SLANG, n. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense. View quote
Ambrose Bierce
ACTUALLY, adv. Perhaps possibly. View quote
Ambrose Bierce