Ambrose Bierce quotes

Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy. (Ambrose Bierce)
Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
Ambrose Bierce
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Ambrose Bierce
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
Ambrose Bierce
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Ambrose Bierce
acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Ambrose Bierce
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
Ambrose Bierce
Definition: CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
Ambrose Bierce
Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Ambrose Bierce
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Ambrose Bierce
Magic: (n) The art of converting superstition into coin. (Ambrose Bierce)
Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
Ambrose Bierce
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Ambrose Bierce
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Ambrose Bierce
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Ambrose Bierce
Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
Ambrose Bierce
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Ambrose Bierce
PEACE, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Ambrose Bierce
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Ambrose Bierce
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Ambrose Bierce
YEAR, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments. (Ambrose Bierce)
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Ambrose Bierce
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.
Ambrose Bierce
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
Ambrose Bierce
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
Ambrose Bierce