Josh Billings quotes - page 4

I never hav seen a bigot yet but what had a small and apparently braneless hed--bit i hain't seen all the bigots, yu know. (Josh Billings)
If we would all ov us take kare ov our own souls, and let our nabors alone, thare would be less time lost, and more souls saved. View quote
Josh Billings
"Familiarity breeds kontempt." This only applies tew men, not tew hot bukwheat slapkakes, well buttered and sugared. View quote
Josh Billings
The man who pitys everyboddy, wants watching, for the chances are that he iz gitting phatt slily on other peoples misfortunes. View quote
Josh Billings
If I had 4 fust rate dogs i would name the best one "Doubtful" and the other 3 "Useless." View quote
Josh Billings
I hav studdyed mi own karakter, and mi own impulses for 39 years clussly, and i kant tell to day (to save a bet) whether i am an honest and trew man or not--if thare iz enny boddy who knows about this matter i wish they would address me a letter, enklosing a postage blister. View quote
Josh Billings
Rather than not hav faith in enny thing, i am willing tew be beat 9 times out ov 10. View quote
Josh Billings
Politeness iz often wasted, but it iz a good and cheap mistake tew make. View quote
Josh Billings
There iz no more real satisfackshun, in laying up in yure buzzum an injury than thare iz in stuffing a dead hornet, who haz stung you, and keeping him tew look at. View quote
Josh Billings
Their is one advantage in a plurality of wifes; tha fite each other, insted ov their husbands. View quote
Josh Billings
The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else. (Josh Billings)
Love haz a most vorashus appetight, but a poor digestion, what it feeds on most alwus distresses it. Prudes, are coquets, gone to seed. It iz our duty tew pray for them who revile and persekute us, but i dont kno az we are obliged tew let them kno it. View quote
Josh Billings
I rather admire the insolent civility ov a bull-tarrier, who only growls when i pass by him, but i never did like it in a man. View quote
Josh Billings
We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying. View quote
Josh Billings
7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days. View quote
Josh Billings
This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked. View quote
Josh Billings
Too mutch religion iz wuss than none at all. Yu kant sho me a kuntry that haz existed yet, whare the people, all ov them, professed one religion and persekuted all other kinds, but what the religion ruined the country. View quote
Josh Billings
I think that a hen who undertakes tew lay 2 eggs a day must necessarily neglekt sum other branch ov bizzness. View quote
Josh Billings
If we giv up our minds tew little things we never shall be fit for big ones. I knew a man once who could ketch more flies with one swoop ov his hand than enny boddy else could, and he want good at ennything else. View quote
Josh Billings
It iz a darned sight eazier tew find six men who kan tell exactly how a thing ought tew be did than tew find one who will do it. View quote
Josh Billings
Cunning iz very apt tew outwit itself. The man who turned the boat over and got under it tew keep out ov the rain, waz one ov this kind. (Josh Billings)
I beleave in the universal salvashun ov men, but I want tew pick the men. View quote
Josh Billings
Poor human natur iz too full ov its own grievances tew have enny pitty to spare,--if yu show a man a big bile on yure arm, he will tell yu he had one twice az big az that, on the same spot, last year. View quote
Josh Billings
Thare are but dredful phew people who kan talk ten minnits tew yu without lugging into the conversashun their bak or stummuk akes. View quote
Josh Billings
The grate desire ov mi life iz tew amuze sumboddy. I had rather be able to set the multiplikashun table tew sum lively tune than tew hav bin the author ov it. View quote
Josh Billings