Woody Allen quotes - page 5

...years of insanity have made this guy crazy! (Woody Allen)
And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket? View quote
Woody Allen
They called me mad... But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics! View quote
Woody Allen
Hey listen - I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away. View quote
Woody Allen
Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer. View quote
Woody Allen
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! View quote
Woody Allen
[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent. View quote
Woody Allen
It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all. View quote
Woody Allen
Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge. View quote
Woody Allen
Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement! View quote
Woody Allen
There have been times when I've thought of suicide but with my luck it'd probably be a temporary solution. (Woody Allen)
The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you. View quote
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment. View quote
Woody Allen
This is my perspective and has always been my perspective on life: I have a very grim, pessimistic view of it. I always have, since I was a little boy. It hasn't gotten worse with age or anything. I do feel that it's a grim, painful, nightmarish, meaningless experience, and that the only way that you can be happy is if you tell yourself some lies and deceive yourself. View quote
Woody Allen
My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it, All I can do is wait for it. View quote
Woody Allen
Harry: No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you. View quote
Woody Allen
Eternity is really long, especially near the end. View quote
Woody Allen
I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. View quote
Woody Allen
To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful. View quote
Woody Allen
I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics. View quote
Woody Allen
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me. (Woody Allen)
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty. View quote
Woody Allen
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.' View quote
Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down . View quote
Woody Allen
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social. View quote
Woody Allen