Woody Allen quotes - page 4

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. (Woody Allen)
If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be. View quote
Woody Allen
I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery. View quote
Woody Allen
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. View quote
Woody Allen
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. View quote
Woody Allen
I'm not a drinker - my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. View quote
Woody Allen
I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own. View quote
Woody Allen
Harry: The most beautiful words in the English language aren't "I love you" but "it's benign." View quote
Woody Allen
Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous. View quote
Woody Allen
What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people. View quote
Woody Allen
The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes... (Woody Allen)
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. View quote
Woody Allen
I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers. View quote
Woody Allen
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. View quote
Woody Allen
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. View quote
Woody Allen
If it turns out that there is a God... the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. View quote
Woody Allen
I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves. View quote
Woody Allen
I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. View quote
Woody Allen
Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service. View quote
Woody Allen
I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't. View quote
Woody Allen
Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. (Woody Allen)
When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be. View quote
Woody Allen
Harry: Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning. View quote
Woody Allen
I had dated a woman briefly in the Eisenhower administration, and it was ironic to me, because I was trying to do to her what Eisenhower had been doing to the country for the last 8 years. View quote
Woody Allen
To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife. View quote
Woody Allen