Woody Allen quotes - page 3

The only way to be happy is to love to suffer. (Woody Allen)
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Woody Allen
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
Woody Allen
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.
Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
Woody Allen
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. (Woody Allen)
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
Woody Allen
I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Woody Allen
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Woody Allen
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size.
Woody Allen
I think crime pays. The hours are good and you travel a lot.
Woody Allen
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Woody Allen
All people know the same truth our lives consist of how we choose to distort them.
Woody Allen
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. (Woody Allen)
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Woody Allen
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
Woody Allen
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody Allen
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Woody Allen