Woody Allen quotes - page 2

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. (Woody Allen)
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. View quote
Woody Allen
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. View quote
Woody Allen
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. View quote
Woody Allen
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. View quote
Woody Allen
I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend. View quote
Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. View quote
Woody Allen
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. View quote
Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. View quote
Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. View quote
Woody Allen
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. (Woody Allen)
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. View quote
Woody Allen
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. View quote
Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. View quote
Woody Allen
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? View quote
Woody Allen
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? View quote
Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. View quote
Woody Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. View quote
Woody Allen
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. View quote
Woody Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height. View quote
Woody Allen
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. (Woody Allen)
I am two with nature. View quote
Woody Allen
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. View quote
Woody Allen
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. View quote
Woody Allen
I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics. View quote
Woody Allen