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Woody Allen quotes - page 11
Living is messy.
Woody Allen
All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates.
Woody Allen
Woody Allen later wrote in a letter: "My observation was that once a person actually completed a play or a novel, he was well on his way to getting it produced or published, as opposed to a vast majority of people who tell me their ambition is to write, but who strike out on the very first level and indeed never write the play or book. In the midst of the conversation, as I'm now trying to recall, I did say that 80 percent of success is showing up."
Woody Allen
I made the statement years ago which is often quoted that 80 percent of life is showing up.
Woody Allen
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Woody Allen
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
Woody Allen
I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it.
Woody Allen
Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
Woody Allen
Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
Woody Allen
Today I saw a red-and-yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am Of course, I thought that yesterday, too, and it rained.
Woody Allen
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
Woody Allen
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
Woody Allen
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
Woody Allen
It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
Woody Allen
What do I dislike about death Must be the hours.
Woody Allen
The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.
Woody Allen
I've gained no insight, no mellowing. I would make the same mistakes again.
Woody Allen
I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.
Woody Allen
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
Woody Allen
And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately they rent out my room.
Woody Allen
My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.
Woody Allen
A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Woody Allen
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