Woody Allen quotes

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. (Woody Allen)
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. View quote
Woody Allen
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. View quote
Woody Allen
My brain it's my second favorite organ. View quote
Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. View quote
Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. View quote
Woody Allen
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. View quote
Woody Allen
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. View quote
Woody Allen
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman. View quote
Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. View quote
Woody Allen
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. (Woody Allen)
You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100. View quote
Woody Allen
Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. View quote
Woody Allen
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. View quote
Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. View quote
Woody Allen
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter. View quote
Woody Allen
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love. View quote
Woody Allen
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. View quote
Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. View quote
Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. View quote
Woody Allen
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. (Woody Allen)
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. View quote
Woody Allen
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. View quote
Woody Allen
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. View quote
Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. View quote
Woody Allen