W. C. Fields quotes - page 3

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. (W. C. Fields)
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. View quote
W. C. Fields
I never met a kid I liked. View quote
W. C. Fields
Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. View quote
W. C. Fields
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink. View quote
W. C. Fields
Hey Who took the cork off my lunch. View quote
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked. View quote
W. C. Fields
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it. View quote
W. C. Fields
She's all dressed up like a well-kept grave. View quote
W. C. Fields
And it ain't a fit night out for man nor beast. View quote
W. C. Fields
Who knows what's funny? (W. C. Fields)
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. View quote
W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. View quote
W. C. Fields
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. View quote
W. C. Fields
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? View quote
W. C. Fields
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. View quote
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried. View quote
W. C. Fields
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. View quote
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast. View quote
W. C. Fields
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. View quote
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. (W. C. Fields)
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living. View quote
W. C. Fields
Some contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch ... View quote
W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. View quote
W. C. Fields
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted. View quote
W. C. Fields