P. G. Wodehouse quotes

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. (P. G. Wodehouse)
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
P. G. Wodehouse
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
P. G. Wodehouse
Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.
P. G. Wodehouse
I always advise people never to give advice.
P. G. Wodehouse
Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.
P. G. Wodehouse
It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.
P. G. Wodehouse
Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black moustache.
P. G. Wodehouse
Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.
P. G. Wodehouse
He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when!"
P. G. Wodehouse
I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit. (P. G. Wodehouse)
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.
P. G. Wodehouse
To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
P. G. Wodehouse
Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.
P. G. Wodehouse
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
P. G. Wodehouse
Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.
P. G. Wodehouse
The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
P. G. Wodehouse
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
P. G. Wodehouse
She fitted into my biggest armchair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing armchairs tight about the hips that season.
P. G. Wodehouse
He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.
P. G. Wodehouse
Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting. (P. G. Wodehouse)
You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower.
P. G. Wodehouse
I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose.
P. G. Wodehouse
Routine is death to heroism.
P. G. Wodehouse
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
P. G. Wodehouse