Mark Twain quotes - page 9

Virtue has never been as respectable as money. (Mark Twain)
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. View quote
Mark Twain
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. View quote
Mark Twain
It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times. View quote
Mark Twain
An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar. View quote
Mark Twain
Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth. View quote
Mark Twain
At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass. View quote
Mark Twain
In Boston they ask, How much does he know In New York, How much is he worth In Philadelphia, Who were his parents. View quote
Mark Twain
Lump the whole thing Say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo. View quote
Mark Twain
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. View quote
Mark Twain
Modesty died when clothes were born. (Mark Twain)
All right, then, I'll go to hell. View quote
Mark Twain
I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter. View quote
Mark Twain
To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology. View quote
Mark Twain
We catched fish, and talked, and we took a swim now and then to keep off sleepiness. It was kind of solemn, drifting down the big still river, laying on our backs looking up at the stars, and we didn't ever feel like talking loud, and it warn't often that we laughed, only a kind of low chuckle. We had mighty good weather, as a general thing, and nothing ever happened to us at all, that night, nor the next, nor the next. View quote
Mark Twain
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. View quote
Mark Twain
A crowded police court docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty. View quote
Mark Twain
To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. View quote
Mark Twain
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. View quote
Mark Twain
She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. View quote
Mark Twain
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. (Mark Twain)
Most people are bothered by scripture they don't understand, but what bothers me are those I do understand. View quote
Mark Twain
He had only one vanity he thought he could give advice better than any other person. View quote
Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. View quote
Mark Twain
Heaven for climate, hell for society. View quote
Mark Twain