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Mark Twain quotes - page 48
What is the real function, the essential function, the supreme function, of language Isn't it merely to convey ideas and emotions Certainly. Then if we can do it with words of fonetic brevity and compactness, why keep the present cumbersome forms.
Mark Twain
You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
Mark Twain
He was a preacher, too... and never charged nothing for his preaching, and it was worth it, too.
Mark Twain
Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth 4 a minute.
Mark Twain
Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.
Mark Twain
Tell the truth or trump -- but get the trick.
Mark Twain
Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
Mark Twain
My own luck has been curious all my literary life I never could tell a lie that anyone would doubt, not a truth that anybody would believe.
Mark Twain
Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace even affectionately.
Mark Twain
For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit.
Mark Twain
Conformity-the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
Mark Twain
This morning arrives a letter from my ancient silver-mining comrade, Calvin H. Higbie, a man whom I have not seen nor had communication with for forty-four years.... Footnote Roughing It is dedicated to Higbie. ... I shall allow myself the privilege of copying his punctuation and his spelling, for to me they are a part of the man. He is as honest as the day is long. He is utterly simple-minded and straightforward, and his spelling and his punctuation are as simple and honest as he is himself. He makes no apology for them, and no apology is needed.
Mark Twain
Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth.
Mark Twain
We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.
Mark Twain
Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name BZJXXLLWCP is pronounced Jackson.
Mark Twain
My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies.
Mark Twain
The harder I work, the luckier I get.
Mark Twain
It has become a sarcastic proverb that a thing must be true if you saw it in a newspaper. That is the opinion intelligent people have of that lying vehicle in a nutshell. But the trouble is that the stupid people–who constitute the grand overwhelming majority of this and all other nations–do believe and are moulded and convinced by what they get out of a newspaper, and there is where the harm lies."... "That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.
Mark Twain
Billings' original wording was characteristically affected:.
Mark Twain
Belgium's royal palace is still what it has been for the last 14 years: a lair of a wild beast that for its money every year mutilates, murders and starves a half million helpless natives in the Congo Free State.
Mark Twain
Adam's temperament was the first command the Deity ever issued to a human being on this planet. And it was the only command Adam would never be able to disobey. It said, "Be weak, be water, be characterless, be cheaply persuadable." The later command, to let the fruit alone, was certain to be disobeyed. Not by Adam himself, but by his temperament - which he did not create and had no authority over.
Mark Twain
As an active privilege, [free speech] ranks with the privilege of committing murder: we may exercise it if we are willing to take the consequences. Murder is forbidden both in form and in fact; free speech is granted in form but forbidden in fact. By the common estimate both are crimes, and are held in deep odium by all civilized peoples. Murder is sometimes punished, free speech always.
Mark Twain
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